She said her name was "party"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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