READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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