I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
