LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
