NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Randomize
