Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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