I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
you are never too drunk for berry picking
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
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