She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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