he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
