coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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