its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
