Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
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He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm too high and old for this...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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