I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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