..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
