Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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