Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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