why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
