I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
