why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
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I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
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So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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