Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
