i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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