Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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