The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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