im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
