Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
