I was born with a shot glass in my hand
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize