I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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