In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
