apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
