It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
