i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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