i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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