When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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