shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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