On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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