I puked a lego.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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