respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
