I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
