I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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