a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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