You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
