i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
