I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
