Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
