I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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