walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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