I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
