I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
