I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Randomize
