rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
