I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Your penis caused this!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
