Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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