Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
