I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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