Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
