My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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