I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
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On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
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This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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