I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
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