She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
