Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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