just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
