I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
