He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
