If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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