i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
