you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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