Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
