Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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