So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
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I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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