So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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