girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
that may or may not have been my penis.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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