thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
