You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
