Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
