Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
