just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It's blow job season.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
