I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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