I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
