R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
