well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
