I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
