All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
