I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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