I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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