i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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