I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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