If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
