If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
