I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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