I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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