Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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