I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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