Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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